37 mm.

pistolathand @ 2006-10-05T15:51:00

2006-10-05T22:52:06Z

i am a complete and utter slacker.

pistolathand @ 2006-09-17T15:50:00

2006-09-17T22:50:53Z

I'm really bad at updating this thing.

Wooooooooooooooooorship.

2006-08-23T00:50:16Z

I am tired, & sore. I think I might go out with Stina tonight, if i can go out anywhere.
I leave for seattle in 4 days, 9 hours.
I finished packing for the most part.
I need to buy hairspray, and make up so I don't run out.
I'm getting waaaay too stressed out.
Last night, Kelly and I kind of got into it.
He told me "Don't listen to what Josh said, it's just Josh."
And then last night, errr, yes'erday afternoon, he said something to the effect of
"That's not what Josh said.."
And that was it.
Which, pisses me off.
When people tell me not ot listen to someone, & now they're listening to them.
Like,it's only factual when they're talking about someone else, but not them.
What homos.

Wake up sleepy head.

2006-08-19T18:58:35Z

Over the past few weeks things are kind of at a stand still for the most part, but at the same time I'm also getting farther in life than I have for awhile.
No, I'm not going to college until either Jan, or next year I'm still not decided, I like the idea of working full time, & saving up some money so when I do go to school, I don't have to worry about working & getting myself by.
My job is going exxxcelllent, I'm the only one with open avalibility, so alot does depend on me, SMGR even told me so. :D I'm hoping that around after I turn 18, there will be a shift leader position opening up & I can snag it up. Bwahaha..It should be promising. If not then by that time I'll be able to pick up random days at Game Crazy.
Shann & I are doing faaaaantastic, he's currently on his way to San Jose with the rest of the band to preform at Hoods Fest. It's cute. Hmm.
I'm leaving for Seattle on the 27th, & coming back Sep. 6th, working for 2 days, then going to San Francisco to see AFI. The next week til when I get back & after AFI is going to be uber hectic.
Yiiikes!

I'm kicking.

2006-07-26T00:06:26Z

Everything has been going good, and steady except with some small annoyances and drama spurts, but I guess that's to be expected.
I'm talking to Kelly again, and Cory, which is nice.
I went shopping, and bought a really hott dress for the cocktail party tonight.
Shann and I are together.
I'm tired.

Ooooh god.

2006-07-11T21:37:07Z

Lemme get my fucking head straight for like ten seconds, please.

C h a s e t h e s u n r i s e .

2006-07-04T21:22:02Z

Tonight I will be drinking with the only girls who have ever mattered to me lately in this whole fucking city.
Dancing my heart out with them, and singing with their parents.
I've been having the best time of my life with them, and they make me feel like I am something great....because I am.
Pictures tomorrow.

Reality hits me, once again.

2006-06-30T06:45:09Z

He moved on, offically. & is with someone else.
Everyone else knew about it.
We had sex last Thursday.
We made out on Sunday.
I've been completely led on.
When I told everyone that when Kiel and I had sex on Thursday, & I knew that was the last time we'll be together, doing anything.
I was right.
..............
I don't want to lose this guy now, he's not a bad guy.
He's actually really funny.
He's convinced that he can only make me happy, & never make me sad.
We'll see.

We reflect on miscommunications.

2006-06-27T21:40:11Z

I keep waiting for school to start up again, but then I relieze I graduated, & I get really sad.

Woot.

2006-06-12T05:13:43Z

I got my monroe pierced today.

pistolathand @ 2006-05-22T22:28:00

2006-05-23T05:28:36Z

Case Study: Comparative Analysis.

As a job shadow/volunteer, there was small things I could do around Clean and Sober Detox. Some of my duties included preparing meals for the clients who could not prepare them for themselves, stripping and cleaning bedding, reorganizing books and manuals, typing outpatient, and waiting list reports, walking the clients to meetings, keeping track of time of medication, meetings, and check in times with new clients. I also interacted with the clients, and listened to some of their experiences, I provided my insight, and feelings during meditation sessions, and gave them support. While I did not have many duties, they were emotionally involved the majority of the time.

While job shadowing, I saw many different types of clients coming through, and while there went two in particular that stood out to me, there were two types that seemed to be the most apparent. Nancy was an older women who had came through the facility many times on her own, she spoke of repentance and what seemed like false enlightenment. Throughout her stay, she was very kind, and very helpful to the other clients going through the same treatment as her, she provided her insight and her rock bottom experience to make others feel at home in the facility. She was very into the program, and even seemed to preach by it. It was a wonder as to why she was even back into the program, if it worked so well. Further into her stay I learned she has problems with anger, violence, and self gratification. She was very into pleasing others, and often forgot about herself until recently, and wanted to make an example with those who were not willing to reach out and receive help.

I thought Nancy was very kind, but I was and still am slightly hesitant of how into recovery and the program she really was. Around the staff she was very confident, and friendly, she asked many questions and admitted that she was not too sure of the right answers. She was very eager to receive help, and council from anyone who had been in her position, or seemed to feel even slightly close to how she did. She misinterpreted some things she was learning, and was taught, even though she made it appear like she was into recovery, there was something below the surface that made me believe she was not too sure.

The other kind of client I encountered I will call “Max.” Max is very hardheaded, and does not want to admit his problem. He is here because it was somebody else’s idea to place him here. He is very quiet, but when he does speak, his voice is filled with anger. In his mind, he was just having a little fun. Max goes through the motions until he has had enough or until the Detox has proven him to be clean. He is very naive, and believes that just because he made it through treatment, that he is going to be able to venture out to drug filled parties every weekend, and not want to touch the drugs. He thinks he is instantly cured, and that recovery takes no work, and if it does he does not have to put out his effort. He was also very uncooperative.

I thought Max was rather cocky and over confident, he did not quite understand that recovery did not happen over night. He always acted aloof and seemed like he did not want to be there. It was obvious throughout his stay that it was not his idea to go to the program. He did not try to reach out to the staff members or to the other clients unless it was forced upon him, like during meditation sessions. He was very hesitant to show that he wanted sobriety more than anything else.

These two types of clients are not as different as they may seem. During the first two days or so both types of clients are very hard to tell apart, and both seem confused and scared by the whole experience. They both want to know everything or at least they both act like they did, and were not afraid to preach out their knowledge even if it was not always right. They are both two extremely different types, but at the same time so close together. The Nancy’s, though they love the program and know it works sometimes have to falter and return before they really believe in it’s power, while the Max’s often falter after they leave the facility, and do not ever wish to return, and sometimes wish never to be contacted, even as a check up. These two types of patients often help to illustrate the idea, and stance that recovery is the clients choice, no one else's.

Missin' out.

2006-04-20T23:28:45Z

Too much to explain my inactive status. Let me just say right now that things are working out, better than I thought they would.
I have my job.
I have my grades. [ 3.25gpa ]
I have happiness.

The sun will come out, tomorrow..

2005-12-28T03:24:28Z

It's pouring rain, and it has been for so many days now. Ugh. I'm starting to HATE the rain.

Tomorrow I'm going to wishingwell with Grace to get masks for her New Year's party. Black and Silver masquerade. I'm excited.

pistolathand @ 2005-12-12T19:26:00

2005-12-13T03:28:51Z

PHOTOGRAPHY;
Bulb.
Silhouettes.
~~Kaleidoscope.~~
Street.
~~Reflection.~~
Photopuns.
Mobile.

Meeeh.

I guess it's not TOO bad.

SCHEDUAL.

2005-12-13T03:23:14Z

THURSDAY 15TH; 4-8
SATURDAY 17TH; 6-10
SUNDAY 18TH; 12-5
WEDNESDAY 21ST; 6-10
FRIDAY 23RD; 4-9

Amaaazing.

2005-12-10T19:04:19Z

I have orientation in an hour. Baah.

Change the way they live.

2005-12-07T06:33:02Z

I'm overly tired and feel way too lazy to write in this. I got coffee with my boys today, Justin and Pj <3. Talked about CRAZY bitches. Draya gave me a ride home. Aced my interview at Hollywood Video. Second interview is friday at 5. Kiel is off work in 28 minutes, and I can't sleep until he comes over and takes his phone back.

I'm so tired. v_v

Sillyness.

2005-11-29T15:24:28Z

Baah. It's not even 50 degrees outside, and everyone is bundled up, acting like it's a snow storm. It's silly..

Everything has a point.

2005-11-20T09:29:56Z

Ely is back from Iraq, happy daaays.

Sweet seventeen.

2005-11-16T15:13:43Z

Birthdays never felt so good.
Seventeen. Sweet seventeen.
I'm almost legal.
I can have cigarettes now.
If I get introuble I could be concidered an adult.
My boyfriend is 20. I'm 17.
That sounds so nice.
I miss him.
I want my coffee.
I can't wait to see the girls today.

Mmmm. Most importantly I have people to walk with at graduation, my girls. Katie. Draya. Becky. Me.
We're pretty fucking cool.
And we're buying matching shoes, and sunglasses, because we're that gay.

It's about the fucking music.

2005-11-13T02:27:02Z

Pictures from last night, of me owning everyone, and being out of it. It was such an awesome kick back.
I love my Lumby, Pinkie, SarahFace.
And of course the boys.
We're fucking family.
It's how we roll.
Or something.
There are also some random ass pictures.

Birthday shots;

The boys. <3.

Sarah. Me.

My Lumby, & the boys.

Lumby jack & Bloo ox? I think so.

Brad, me, and my Pinkie.

Vance and Me.

1/2 of Kiel and Me.

Uhh. This is me.

Derek. He's wearing a skirt and pig tails.

Mike that keeps you warm at night.

Justin.

Morning after;

I am oh so tired, and nearly makeupless.

This was at 9am. He is not a morning person. So I pounced. ^_^!

Random;

Emily and I, being hella azn.

Completion.

2005-11-06T20:49:20Z

This weekend.
My birthday weekend.
Denny's.
The big 17.
The boy's house.
Sleeping in Kiel's bed with him.
Drinking at 9am.
Partying.
All my friends from here together.
Kicking out people who sucks.
Drinking.
Video games.
I can't wait.

STITCH UP MY EMPTINESS.

2005-10-27T03:43:51Z

I'm sadistic.
I'm masocistic.
I'm a glutton for physical fucking pain.
I'll hurt you emotionally.
I'll hurt you physically.
I get off on being choked.
I like being abused.
I'm addicted.
It's sick.
I'm so fucking disgusting.

Angry.

2005-10-26T04:43:11Z

DEAREST VINCENT.
I ' m burning everything you gave me when we were together , and everything that reminds me of you . I ' m getting rid of your pictures from my photoalbums . I ' ll wipe away Sophomore year if it means getting rid of you . I ' ll finally delete your name from my messanger list , and tell the world how much you fucked me over . You ' re inconciderate . I heard that you ' re on the streets now . Good . I fucking hope you die , or contract a horrible illness . You deserve the worst . The rose in my room . The pictures . The hippo . The fucking Radiohead poster that ' s the same as yours . The shirt . The jacket . The perfume you liked . The pictures of me you liked . Livewire , and vodka are out of my memory , shopping carts and camel cigarettes are gone too . Bleeding Through is gone . The bandana I wrapped your bleeding wrists in is gone . Everything will be destroyed . I really hope you know you just about killed me .
All I ever did was care about you .
All she ever did was care about you .
You have a tendancy to make girls feel so fucking special even though they mean nothing to you .
You ' re a piece of shit .
I hope karma comes for you soon .
Loathe,
Scarlet.

This proves I'm a bad person.

2005-10-26T02:10:29Z

Halloween I'm going to TFO simply because certain people are going and I want to rub it in their face that I'm happy, and they aren't.
I'm with Kiel, and they aren't.
That.
And so Becky, Kelly, and I can scream things at random people.
And.
FUCK. It's TFO.
Trash Film Orgy is amazing, and all too fun.